uncle van’s cabin

Reality slapped me on the face when I received a sorry paycheck last April. I quit my job in ISA and so I have to deal with the measly pay I got in my new (old) job. I said old, new job because I went back to my  work prior ISA. I just decided to teach part-time because I want to enjoy my freedom for now and I want to review for the compre (yep, I got delayed again). Enjoy my freedom I do but not my salary. But really I’ve never felt relieved in my entire life! What do you need a big salary for when you’re slowly killing yourself? I miss my co-teachers though and most of all the kids. I can’t believed I came out of ISA still in one piece. I left some of my self-esteem there, however. I still get panic attacks every time my new boss approaches me. I know he’s different from the old boss but I’ve been conditioned for two years that if your boss will call you for something it only means that you’ve been a bad, bad employee. I still can’t understand why my old boss has to yell at his teachers. I once got starved because I stayed in his office to be reprimanded for two hours. That was lunchtime and when I said I was already hungry, he said, "That’s your fault!" I left a chunk of my self-esteem in his office that very day. There are many "yelling" instances but that calls for another write-up. I can’t stand being yelled at so I have to exit…

Reality kissed me on the face when I started working in Top’s again. I can go online all the time, I can study whenever I want, I can take a nap, I can jog in the mornings, I can answer my cellphone without getting anxious that it’s another nagging parent. I have all the time in the world. I don’t have to hurry myself with anything. I want to continue teaching though. I think I have more opportunity to grow if I teach in college. Teaching elementary is one tough job. It’s rewarding, too but I’d like to teach literature, research, higher grammar/linguistics, humanities, and education subjects this time. Subjects that I’m passionate about. My classmates and I are talking about taking our Ph.D’s in UPD this second semester this year but I have second thoughts about this plan because I’m not yet a seasoned teacher. Theory and practice must correlate. I don’t want to be such an ambitious ignoramus…

Reality pushed me when I realized the scope and width of my philosophical readings are not enough for me to even criticize a literature. There are too many -isms that have to be understood. I’m learning to love knowledge. Philosophy may seem an extraordinary subject yet so ordinary when stripped of its academic robe. It’s a world of abstract ideas and mental exercises yet it’s so tangible and full of flaws, too when already used in context. I sometimes question my beliefs after reading. Yesterday I was a Marxist feminist. Today I’m a progressive-humanist. Tomorrow, who knows?!

I’ve always been an idealist but reality’s slaps, kisses and pushes can no longer be ignored. Oh, well…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 6th, 2008 at 10:26 pm and is filed under ramblings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.